ADHD has affected my dating/relationship life in both negative and positive ways.
ADHD makes me a very passive and open individual, so there is a tendency for toxic individuals to enter into my life unnoticed. I have a tendency to not want to hurt feelings once I am close with someone so it is even harder for me to push them away to remove their toxicity from my life. I have had to learn the difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. I want to be friends with literally everyone. I want to know your story, your favorite color, what kind of food you like, and what you do on a Saturday night. But this tends to attract individuals whom seem to cast a dark shadow over me. Recently, I have learned about how important boundaries are. There is nothing wrong with drawing the line in the sand as long as you have the power and confidence to walk away once the line has crossed.
By starting to employ boundaries in my life my positive relationships have begun to flourish more and those negative relationships are starting to break off.
The most successful relationship story that I can say came out of my ADHD was the meeting my husband Justin.
Justin and I went to elementary school together and reunited over Facebook several years later. If it wasn’t for my impulsivity I don’t think I would have jumped in my car, drove an hour away, to meet him for what I consider our first date. Since then we have been inseparable. Justin is the most centered, calm, rational individual I have ever met in my life. When my life is spinning, twirling, and my heart and brain are inside the ring doing rounds Justin has the ability to quiet it all down.
Justin was diagnosed with Stage 4 Large B Cell Lymphoma 2 years ago as he started his nursing school. I had one goal; fight alongside him. During this time period I was extremely efficient and focused. I made sure bills were accounted for, appointments were never missed, and that I listened to every single word that left his lips because I had to accept that this could kill him and I wanted to savor each moment, each feeling, and each syllable that left his mouth. My survival instinct of fight or flight kicked in, and we fought, and we won. After two years of clean scans things have returned mostly back to normal.
We laugh every day, he appreciates the rare occasion days I don’t want to take my medication and I will continue to yell at him for putting the Brita back in the fridge, empty.
Do you have relationship tips or your own ADHD love story to share? Leave a comment below!
Melissa Dickson is passionate about empowering other women with ADHD, facilitating discussion and building community. She currently works as a program director for a homeless program in New York and sits on several boards for community and state agencies. She holds a Bachelors in Community Planning and Human Services, and Masters in Social and Public Policy with a healthcare management certification. She is launching her own blog called “Sophisticated ADHD” and we’re excited to have her as a featured writer for our community!
Very informative. Thank you!